did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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