her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
