how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I smell like Dick and happiness
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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