Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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