im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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