You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
