i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
