Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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