She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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