I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize