Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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