Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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