During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
