So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
