I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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