smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
