Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
