i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Randomize