So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize