I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
