Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
