I will die if light touches me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
