Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
