K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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