Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
