he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize