all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
