The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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