My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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