He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
