You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
