oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
