i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
