I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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