The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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