Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
