I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
