Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
