Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
