He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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