I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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