and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
