I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The best revenge is premature balding
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Damn victory sex feels great
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
