I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
