We won't sleep together?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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