why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
