We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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