I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
