Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Acid is not a monday night drug
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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