I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
