NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
