I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have demons in me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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