The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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