would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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