I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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