Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
