My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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