is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
