you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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