I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
