I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
