I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
