Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
