**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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