At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My vagina is officially offended.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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