Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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