whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
