I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
