I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
