This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
